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/\/oo\/\ Count Nibble /\/oo\/\
Presents
New Games Coming Out This Summer
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Well, summer is upon us and it's time for the software companies to release a
flood of new 'wares for us to crack and distribute among ourselves. This
summer brings yet another new software company to the fray: Zaltair Software
Inc., who will be introducing themselves to the world in a flurry of new
software. I got ahold of the press release announcing these new programs, and
have typed it in for your edification. Keep an eye out for these new 'wares in
the weeks to come!
/\/oo\/\ Count Nibble /\/oo\/\
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KENNETH MACREGIS INC.
1800 Calle del Embarcadero
Alto Pollo, CA 94303
Katherine Cardigan - Christopher Doors
(415) 555-2030
Prepared for:
ZALTAIR SOFTWARE INC.
20525 Maratini Avenue
Cupritino, CA 95014
Ronnie Rodriguez (408) 555-2042
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
ZALTAIR SOFTWARE INC. ANNOUNCES WIDE RANGE OF INTRODUCTORY SOFTWARE PRODUCTS
Cupritino, Calif., May 21, 1985--Zaltair Software, Inc. today announced
eleven new games and utilities designed for use on the Apple personal computer.
The suggested retail price for each of the new programs is just under $20--a
price which Zaltair contends will discourage software piracy and give Zaltair a
healthy share of the software market within six months, a higly optimistic
outlook for a new company.
"Software's too expensive--people have a natural guardedness about ransom.
Yet we of Zaltair now indulgently arouse kudos," said Barbara Koala, new
products marketing manager. "In time software always lays low any frivolous
acclaim, killing exploitation."
Koala went on to list the new products:
Mr. Don't!: An educational adventure game designed to teach children about
real-life dangers--DON'T drink toilet bowl cleaner, DON'T get into
a car with a strange man, DON'T pull down your pants in front of
company, DON'T smoke daddy's "funny little cigarettes", DON'T make
wee-wee into mommy's boss' drink. Clever graphics and Mockingboard-
generated sound are utilized in special "reward and punishment"
sequences, which the babysitter will enjoy acting out with the child
after the game is over.
Who in the Fucking Hell is Miranda Sanfrancisco?: Another graphic adventure,
this time involving a worldwide search for an aging, fruit-laden movie
actress. "Our inclusion of a special 46-volume limited edition of
the Encyclopaedia Brittanica with this package should prove to be a
valuable anti-piracy device," said Ms. Koala about this 32-disk epic.
"And the innovative one-word parser will speed up play tenfold over
the two-word parser made so popular by Scott Adams."
Lunch Construction Set: Following in the heels of the popular Pinball and
Music Construction Sets, Lunch Construction Set challenges the player
to create a fully-balanced meal with such diverse ingredients as bread,
ketchup, and Fritos. The lunch is then "boxed" and given to one of
up to 6 player types (including Yuppie, Hardhat, and Wino), who
rates the lunch on factors such as Flavor, Consistency, and Gas
Induction Potential. "This game allows the player to recreate in
his home, without the need for real food of any kind, the thrill of
egg salad or the suspense of mystery meat. We are certain that our
innovative use of the 'Double Lo-Res' graphics available on the //c
and 128K //e will make this game a best-seller," claimed Ms. Koala.
Syder: A game designed for the many new users of the 'Sider' ten megabyte
hard disk from First Class Peripherals. Adapted from the the public-
domain game Floppy, this game features a misshapen little dwarf who
hops about collecting flowers and crushing helpless unicorns with
rocks in an attempt to cover a white spot on the floor with a
gigantic marble. "Okay, the game is not the most impressive we are
releasing," said Ms. Koala, "but we believe the fact that the game
takes over the entire hard disk for 16384 user-designed levels,
above and beyond the 32 included with the game, will make the vast
new audience of Sider buyers stand up and take notice. We will be
releasing a special package for Syder owners that will allow them
20K of disk space for CP/M or Pascal storage -- their choice." Ms.
Koala also stated that a sequel game, "Beyond Syder", will be available
for owners of a second Sider subsystem. The disk must be daisy-chained
to the back of the first Sider or all the user will see is a collection
of 1024 public-domain lo-res pictures.
Zaxxoff: "This is our one X-rated game," stated Ms. Koala. "I think that
just about says it all."
Realitie: This role-playing game is the first in Zaltair's new Realitie
series. The game, which plays like a cross between the Ultima
series and the Wizardry series, features a quest through a Silo
Discount Appliance store in search of the widely-advertised $1.49
Maxell UDS-II C-90 tapes. Players must find a parking space, slash
their way into the store, and avoid the 21-year-old salesmen who try
to sell them Realistic Concertape 60s instead. Ms. Koala suggested
some basic strategies for the beginning player: "The party needs to
improvise on its choice of weapons--CDs with sharpened edges make
good shurikens, for example, and the discovery of a +2 two-handed
Maytag Dishwasher with Power Saver and electronic timer can make
the difference between total loss and a decisive victory. Play it
as if you were living it and you should do quite well."
Rescue Steelers: This is one of Zaltair's two initial releases in their
Sports collection. The entire Pittsburgh Steelers football team,
including coaches, managers, water boys, and cheerleaders have
been stranded on an uncharted desert island in the South Pacific.
Your job as the player is to find the team and bring them back home.
Your only clues as to their location are a Junior Steelers Fan Club
Kit and a blurred note written on a pair of panties (hopefully from
one of the cheerleaders) which washed up on a beach in Acapulco.
"Can you save Terry Bradshaw and the gang before they succumb to
breadfruit poisoning or are picked off one by one by the similarly-
stranded Japanese soldier who still thinks it's World War II, and
that the Steelers are a genetically-engineered Yankee assault force?
Only you know for sure," claims Ms. Koala. "We did extensive
interviews with all the team members to make sure that their game
personalities were true-to-life--for example, Terry Bradshaw keeps
muttering under his breath about Howard Cosell."
Bruce Li: The release of this game is still doubtful, due to a pending
lawsuit between Zaltair and another company over the program's
name and graphics. "It's either Datasoft or Datamost," said Ms.
Koala, "Even our lawyers can't tell those two apart. They said
something about us copying their game, which is of course total
nonsense. We bought the rights to the game from Mr. Li himself;
just because both Bruce Li and Bruce Lee are famous martial arts
movie stars doesn't mean that we're ripping anyone off."
Spare Change?: Zaltair calls this their "nod to the baby-boomer generation".
Spare Change? is an arcade-style game in which the player wanders
the streets of 1967's San Francisco Haight-Ashbury district, asking
passers-by for any loose coinage they might be carrying. Points
are awarded for slovenly apperance, the amount of money collected,
and nasal twang. Bonus points can be obtained through encounters
with George Harrison, Timothy Leary, and Abbie Hoffman, who
occasionally wander past on-screen.
Copy 1: What would any software company be without offering a disk copier?
Ms. Koala describes Copy 1 as "a state-of-the-art sector copier.
It can copy a disk in one minute and thirty seconds, faster than
even COPYA. And we include a full parameters list for all Beagle
Bros. software. Of course, we don't want people to pirate software
with it, so it is specially designed to refuse to copy any program
released by Zaltair, including Copy 1 itself. It's the least we can
do to help stop the evil violation of the copyright laws."
Ultima IV: "Yes, we're the ones releasing Ultima IV. And as soon as it
hits the stands, we'll be ready to start programming all the other
games we told you about."
-30-
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Call these Southwest Pirates Guild lines:
>The Space Bar< (505) 265-5178 pw:BANZAI 7dy=24hr
Blue Oyster Bay (409) 693-7908 pw:DHARMA 7dy=24hr M-F=3/12 SS=1200 only
Terrapin Station (505) 865-0883 pw:CICADA 7dy=24hr 3/12
The 4th Reich BBS (505) 298-1705 (-Ind Pw-) 7dy=24hr 10M on-line soon!
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